Is Counseling Right For You?

Steps To Healing Series

How My Counseling Journey Began

I was on the verge of a mental and emotional breakdown. 

Although I had received Christ as my Savior fifteen years earlier, I still had baggage from a traumatic past.  I secretly struggled with something that brought me deep shame and condemnation, something that I felt I could never tell anyone about. 

My depression had deepened after experiencing a church split that ended up in me being fired from my job as a Christian school teacher.  I seriously began to consider suicide as my only solution.

Then God pulled the rug out from under me.

After being married ten difficult years, God revealed to my wife the secret problem that had plagued me.  She urged me to seek counseling, but at first I resisted.  Many years earlier I had gone to my previous pastor to ask if he knew of a good psychiatrist.  I had battled depression all my life, and now I  wanted some help for it.  It had taken every ounce of courage I had to ask him that question.

His response?  “Psychiatry is for pagans.”

His callous reply prevented me from seeking any help.  But now, years later,  I was standing on a precipice, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I went over the edge.  So eventually I made an appointment with my new pastor.  He was a dear friend I had known for years; in fact, he had been the best man at our wedding.  I felt if there was anyone I could trust, it would be him.

The day of the appointment I was literally shaking with nervousness.  My palms were sweaty as I tried for several minutes to choke out the reason I was there.  When the words finally came out, I broke down sobbing.

I will never forget the next moment.  This wonderful man of God came over to me, knelt beside my chair, wrapped his arms around me and spoke into my ear.  “I don’t love you any less for this, Tim– and neither does Jesus.”

How I needed to hear those words!  That was the moment a tiny spark of hope lit in my heart.

That was how I began going to counseling.  It was a long journey that lasted 13 years.  By the time it was over, I had counseled with five pastors, a licensed clinical social worker, and three psychiatrists.  Because my problems had mental, emotional, and spiritual components, I went through both pastoral and psychological counseling, as well as several deliverance sessions. 

You might think that was excessive, but I was desperate for healing and transformation.  Yes, it was a long time, and there  are reasons for that which I’ll get into in a minute.  But it was worth it.  Today I am truly living the transformed life.

Shooting At The Wrong Goal

Part of the reason I was in counseling for so long was that I had the wrong goal.  Because of the trauma I went through as a result of bullying and rejection in my early years, I ended up with a variety of serious emotional issues.  There was one problem in particular that I obsessed over.  I begged God repeatedly to remove it from my life.  I saw it as something God hated, and feared that it might cause God to hate me.  I was convinced that everything else would fall into place if I could just get this one thing out of my life.  So getting rid of that “thorn in the flesh” became my goal.

The problem was, it wasn’t God’s goal.  God wanted to deal with the root issues, not the surface symptoms.  God wanted to bring deeper healing and wholeness, but I couldn’t see that because I was so focused on what I wanted.  I wasn’t interested in hearing God say, “My grace is sufficient.”  I wanted that problem gone and gone now!  So, like Jacob, I wasted a lot of time wrestling with God.

It was also hard for me to bring my problems out into the open.  I was used to keeping them hidden because I was afraid of being judged and rejected, as I had been in my childhood.  Also, because I worked for a Christian ministry, I was terrified that I would lose my job if anyone found out what a mess I really was.  It took me a while to build up the trust I needed.

Another stumbling block was that early in my Christian walk I had picked up some misconceptions about God.  My first pastor preached a lot about backsliding, and I lived with the fear that I might lose my salvation.  I was convinced that God was angry with me because of the things in my life that I couldn’t change.  I was terrified of losing God’s love, and constantly stressed over my thoughts and behavior.  I threw myself into the work of the ministry, thinking that those works would somehow secure God’s approval.  

I now know that this is contrary to what the Bible teaches.  But at the time I was driven by my insecurity and self-condemnation.  Eventually, through pastoral counseling, I was able to see that God never intended for me to be in the performance trap.  He accepted me not because of who I am and what I’ve done, but because of who Jesus is and what He’s done.

Counseling Helps You To See Clearly

All of this brings out one important reason to seek counseling.  Often our problems blind us to the truth.  Counseling can help us to see things as they truly are and discover what the truth really is.

When I was being bullied as a child, I heard many lies spoken about me:  you’re stupid, you’re ugly, you’re not good enough, you don’t belong.  When you hear a lie often enough, you begin to believe it.  You begin to  think that’s the truth, and a mental stronghold is formed.  Your thoughts become negative, and your mindset becomes fixed:  there’s no way out, this will never change, I’ll always be like this.  Lies compound upon lies.

Pastoral counseling helped me to recognize the lies I had been believing.  As a young Christian, some people called me a Jesus freak and said I was brainwashed– but the truth is, I needed my brain to be washed!  This is what Romans 12:2 means when it says, “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

The pastors I counseled with helped me see that my perception of God had been incorrect.  The truth is that He will never reject me or withhold His love from me.  In fact, God desires a more intimate relationship with me.  This realization of truth took away the fears I had lived with for so long.

Another verse which was instrumental in my healing is 2 Corinthians 10:5, “We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  This is a type of spiritual warfare which I had to learn.  I had to compare my thoughts to God’s Word.  I knew that God’s Word is truth, and if the thought didn’t line up with what God said in the Bible, that thought had to go.  Gradually, with the help of my counselors, I replaced the lies in my head with the truth of God’s Word.

The Importance of Identity

This process goes hand in hand with discovering your identity in Christ.  Counseling helped me to see that my identity doesn’t come from my behavior or temptations.  It saddens me to see so many Christians sitting in churches, defeated and unaware of who they really are.  That’s where I was for too many years.  It’s why God called me to start this blog.

When a person prays and asks Jesus to be their Savior, they receive much more than just salvation.  They receive a new identity.  Prior to conversion God sees you as a sinner; but once you are saved, the Bible identifies you as a saint, someone set apart for God.

I didn’t understand that prior to counseling.  Even though I had been a Christian for many years, I was identifying myself by my temptations and perceived imperfections.  But as I allowed God’s truth to permeate my mind, my thought patterns changed.  My mindset became more positive, my faith grew, and I learned who I really was in Christ.

This was really the key for me.  (In fact, I’ve written a 7-part series on “Who I Am In Christ,” which you can find in the Identity in Christ tab above.)  I was introduced to the work of Dr. Neil Anderson, author of the books The Bondage Breaker and Victory Over the Darkness.  Dr. Anderson developed a list called “Who I Am In Christ,” a series of affirmations backed by scripture (you can find the list here.)

I took that list and read it aloud every morning as part of my daily quiet time with God.  At first I didn’t believe the statements I was reading (our enemy the devil doesn’t give up easily).  But gradually my thinking and beliefs changed.  It took a couple of years, but now I can embrace who I am in Christ.   Now I know that I am God’s child; I am redeemed and forgiven; I am free from condemnation; I will never be separated from God; I am complete in Christ.

If you struggle with your identity, I strongly suggest that you do as I did.  Print out that list and read it aloud every day!

You Don’t Have To Go It Alone

Recovery and healing begin with a personal relationship with God.  If you’ve never asked Jesus to be your Savior, that’s the first step.

You also have to acknowledge your need for help.  You can’t solve a problem until you admit there is one.

God will begin His healing work the moment you’re saved.   But He will likely use other people in the process, including pastors and counselors.

Understand that counseling is not a quick fix.  Healing is a process.  Underlying issues must be dealt with, and that takes time.  It takes time to change your mindset, it takes time to tear down mental strongholds, it takes time to transform your thought patterns.  Be patient, and be kind to yourself.  God is with you every step of the way, but you have to be willing to do the work.  The Holy Spirit will show you the specific steps you need to take.

Be sure you are setting realistic goals that line up with God’s will for your life.  Recognize that healing is seldom instantaneous, and it is seldom linear.  Don’t panic if there are ups and downs and it seems to be “one-step-forward-two-steps-back.”  That’s normal, so be patient with the process and give yourself grace!

Remember Lazarus

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is the account of Lazarus.  (In fact, I wrote an entire article on it called “A Little Lesson From Lazarus,” which you can find here.)  Lazarus had a serious problem:  he was dead.  Jesus came to where he was buried and ordered the stone to be removed from the tomb’s entrance.  After praying, Jesus said in a loud voice, “Lazarus!  Come forth!”  And to everyone’s shock and amazement, Lazarus came out of the tomb– alive!

But he still had a problem:  he was wrapped in graveclothes, bound to his past.  I love the next part of the story.  The Bible says Jesus turned to His disciples and said, “Unbind him.“

I relate to this account so much because I was dead spiritually.  When I asked Christ to save me, I became spiritually alive– but I still had problems.

The point I want you to see here is that Jesus used other people to set Lazarus free from the graveclothes.  

You may have the same need.  If so, I suggest that the answer to the question “Is counseling right for you?” is, “Yes.”  I encourage you to get the help you need, beginning in your local church.  Don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling if you need it.  And most important, trust in God, because He wants to bring you healing and wholeness.  That’s what living the transformed life is all about!

 

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Related Posts:

“Is A Support Group Right For You?”

“Journaling In Recovery”