The Breaking Point
I remember the moment when I broke down crying in the counselor’s office. I was so frustrated, so tired of the struggle, and I felt so isolated and alone. After listening to my sobs, the counselor gently made a suggestion. “I run a support group for Christians who are dealing with this problem,” he said. “Perhaps you should come to a meeting and check it out. It may give you some encouragement to meet others who are in the same situation as you.”
Years ago if you mentioned the phrase “support group,” people automatically thought of Alcoholics Anonymous. But times have changed. Nowadays you can find a wide variety of support groups for everything from grief recovery to shopaholics. Most groups are focused on one particular issue, but some are an umbrella group for all sorts of problems. Probably the most well-known of these is Celebrate Recovery, which advertises itself as “a safe place to find freedom from your hurts, hang-ups, and habits.” Some groups are discussion-based, while others are centered around a curriculum or a twelve-step format. Some are gender-specific, and an increasing number of support groups are faith-based.
My Personal Experience With Support Groups
My Personal Experience With Support GroupsAt different periods in my life, I participated in two support groups. Both were Christian groups, and both specifically addressed one problem. The first group was run by my counselor at the time. I was initially hesitant, but he assured me that the group was nonjudgmental and confidential. He put me in touch with one of the group leaders, who met with me before I attended my first meeting to let me know what to expect.
At that time the group had about 40 members. Everyone was very warm and welcoming. The meetings began with a period of worship. Then one of the leaders would introduce a topic and open it up to discussion. There would be lots of participation and sharing. Other times someone would present a teaching and we would break into smaller groups for discussion. Every meeting ended in prayer.
Participating in this support group was extremely helpful for me. I had never met another Christian who was struggling with the same problem I had, so I no longer felt isolated. I learned a lot about the issue I was struggling with. I had many questions answered, and things I had been confused about became clear. I met some wonderful Christians there and enjoyed the fellowship each week. Everyone in the group encouraged one another. We celebrated change and victories. Being in a support group didn’t eliminate the problem, but the greater understanding I gained made it easier to cope with it.
Fast forward a couple decades. Again I was in counseling, this time for a different problem. Again the counselor pointed me to a Christian support group in the area. This time I actually had to go through an interview with one of the group leaders before I could attend a meeting. This group was centered around a curriculum. It included weekly evaluation sheets designed to help us get in touch with our emotions and assist in recognizing patterns that could trigger problem behavior. There was a textbook that we worked our way through, in addition to homework assignments and discussion, as well as prayer for one another. The format was different from the previous support group, but the results were the same. I was educated and encouraged, and learned different strategies that helped me to walk in victory.
The Pros (and a Few Cons)
The Pros (and a Few Cons)I’m sharing my experiences to illustrate the value of participating in a Christian support group. Along the way I observed a few things. One was that “you get out of it what you put into it.” Those who only attended sporadically, or did not do the homework assignments, did not achieve the same results. The change you experience will depend on the level of commitment you have to recovery. I also noted that those who did better were attending the support group as a supplement to counseling. A support group is not the same thing as group therapy, and should not replace professional counseling.
In an article entitled Support Groups: Make Connections, Get Help, the Mayo Clinic says, “Joining a group gives you a chance to be with people who are likely to have a common purpose. And the members of the group are likely to understand each other and what each person has gone through.” The article goes on to list the following benefits of support groups:
- Feeling less lonely, alone or judged
- Easing distress, depression, anxiety or fatigue
- Talking openly and honestly about your feelings
- Learning and getting better at using skills to cope with challenges
- Staying motivated to manage long-term conditions
- Gaining a sense of empowerment, control or hope
- Learning more about your problem and your own experience with it
- Getting practical feedback
- Learning about additional resources
It is important that personal boundaries be respected in the group, and that confidentiality is always emphasized. Group leaders may need to steer discussions away from mere complaining, conflicting advice, or misinformation. Any rules regarding group participation should be enforced.
There are also a few things to watch out for. As previously mentioned, a support group should not be regarded as a substitute for counseling. Another danger is becoming too dependent on the group, rather than growing in your own coping skills. Unhealthy dependency can lead to lack of progress and stagnation. The goal is healing and increased victory and independence, not a lifetime commitment to the group.
Also, there is an increasing number of online support groups. These can be helpful if attending a support group in-person is not possible. However, the experience may not be the same. The group leader may not be able to exercise the necessary control over the conversation. Also, they may not be sufficiently qualified to lead the group or give advice. Confidentiality may not be as well protected, and participants may be susceptible to online trolls or predators. Be sure you do some investigating before proceeding in an online group.
Finding The Right Group For You
Finding The Right Group For YouThe Mayo Clinic offers the following advice to those considering a support group. “When you join a new support group, you may be nervous about sharing personal issues with people you don’t know. At first, it may help to simply listen. But over time, sharing about your own ideas and experiences may help you to get more out of a support group. Try a support group for a few weeks to see if it meets your needs. If it doesn’t feel like a good fit for you, think about trying another support group.”
How long you spend in a support group is really up to you. My father, who was a closet alcoholic, joined A.A. to maintain his sobriety, and stayed in it the rest of his life. I was in my first support group for five years, until the founder of the group discontinued it. I participated in the second group for nine years, until I reached a point where I was confident I could maintain victory.
My experience with support groups was a positive one. I felt safe because the groups had been recommended by professional therapists. Also, both of the groups were Christian, so I didn’t have to worry about anything conflicting with my faith. Participation was beneficial for me because it reduced my frustration and anxiety, and helped me to better handle ongoing problems. I grew stronger because of my experience.
“Is a support group right for you?” If you have been feeling increasing overwhelmed by a problem that seems to dominate your life, my answer would be “Yes.” If you can’t find a group in your area that addresses your particular issue, perhaps you can find a Celebrate Recovery group near you. They are the largest network of Christian support groups in the nation. You can find out the chapters in your state here.
Galatians 6:2 instructs us to “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” That’s exactly what a Christian support group does, so don’t hesitate to get the help you need.
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