Okay, first you need to understand I’m not dissing my mother. I love Mom and miss her dearly (she’s in heaven now). And I know she loved me. She was a first-rate Mom who did her very best to raise her kids right.
But she lied to me.
It wasn’t intentional. She was trying to help, I’m sure. She was just repeating “words of wisdom” that she had heard, maybe from her mother, who had heard them from her mother…who knows how far back they go?
They were meant to help, to comfort. But they didn’t.
Maybe your mom told you the same lies.
I heard the first lie when I came home from school crying because I’d been bullied on the bus. I tried to tell Mom what had happened, but she brushed off my words impatiently as if they were of little importance. And then she said the first lie:
“Big boys don’t cry.”
I was only seven years old, and certainly didn’t consider myself a big boy. So the words only served to condemn me. I wasn’t a big boy, and I’d probably never be a big boy, because when I got hurt I cried. Crying was unacceptable, and that made me unacceptable– which only reinforced what the bullies had been saying.
And so a false belief was planted in my young psyche: “There’s something wrong with you.”
And every time I was mistreated, every time I cried, every time I heard the lie “Big boys don’t cry,” that false belief grew and became firmly entrenched. I lived with that lie for years, and it took years to pull the roots out.
So it’s time to tear down that lie with the truth. Big boys do cry. Big men cry, too. And that’s okay.
Don’t believe me? Look in the Bible. The greatest men in history wept– Joseph, David, Solomon, Peter, John– even Jesus wept.
It’s not a sin. It’s not a weakness. It’s a normal form of emotional release, given to us by a loving Father. Who gave you those tear ducts in the first place? So go ahead, it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you.
Which brings us to the second lie my mother told me.
The conditions were similar to the first. My feelings were hurt, and I was crying, and Mom said what moms have probably been saying for centuries, a cute little rhyme:
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”
Yeah, cute– but a lie.
Names do hurt. And they stick like Gorilla Glue. Those ugly words pierce your very identity. And they water that false belief that’s already growing within you: “There’s something wrong with you.” Or “You don’t belong.” Or maybe, “You’re not good enough.”
And it must be true, of course. Why else would they be calling you those names?
Except it’s not true.
Because that’s not what God says about you. He says you are loved, you are His child. You are so precious to Him, you’re worth dying for.
So if those old names still haunt you, go to Him and ask for cleansing. Let His truth wash away the pain and the lies. Listen to what He is telling you. Hear the love in His voice as He whispers your name.
And if you’ve got some work to do, some lies to tear out by the roots, He’ll be happy to help.
- The Father Wound And The Father’s Love http://www.livingthetransformedlife.com/the-father-wound-and-the-father’s-love
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