Are You Loving Yourself?


Let’s face it, we all have days where we feel less than perfect about ourselves. Our hair just doesn’t seem to fall right, or our clothes are ill-fitting.  The day gets off to a bad start, and we feel it’s all our fault.  Although the occurrence of viewing ourselves in a less than ideal manner is natural, the feeling shouldn’t linger.

But many individuals, sadly, feel negative about themselves on a daily basis, regardless of their appearance or current circumstance.

In fact, Dr. Joe Rubino, author of  The Self Esteem Book, reports that over 85% of the world’s population suffers from having low self-esteem.   I don’t know how he arrived at that figure, but it leaves us with a world full of beautiful people who are unable to see their beauty for themselves.

How you perceive yourself is crucial to your self esteem.   Fortunately, the battle of low self esteem can be won. Humans are creatures of habit. How do you overcome a pesky habit? By taking action.

Recovery begins with loving yourself.

Is It Wrong To Love Yourself?

Some Christians have difficulty with this concept.  It somehow seems wrong to have our eyes on ourselves.  That’s understandable.    We hear a lot of preaching and teaching about loving others.  The focus is on evangelizing the unsaved and discipling the saved.  “Love one another,” we are exhorted.

There’s nothing wrong with that, of course…except it’s only a partial truth.  Yes, we are to love others, but we can’t begin there.  Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself(Mark 14:31).  You can’t love your neighbor until you begin to love yourself.

This feels uncomfortable for some Christians.  It somehow seems selfish. They’ve heard the acronym “JOY equals Jesus, Others, You.”  “You” are supposed to be at the bottom of the list. Right?

But… that’s not what Jesus said, is it?  

Loving yourself may sound selfish, but think about it.  When we love ourselves we are better equipped to then love those around us.  Being kind to yourself is just as important as being kind to others.  Loving yourself is not about being self-absorbed and oblivious to those around you.  Nor is loving yourself some new-age fad.  It’s biblical.

When you love yourself, you experience a sense of liberation, because you are no longer dependent on the actions of others to make you happy.  Being compassionate to ourselves in life’s daily moments helps us take the burden off expecting others to do it for us.  We all need others in our lives when life throws us a curve, but when we practice self-love we take the burden off others to always be the ones who need to soothe us, nurture us, and take care of us.

Loving yourself gives you a more empathetic outlook on life.  You’ll find your attitude becoming more positive and optimistic.  You’ll have less bitterness, resentment, and angst.   You’ll be more pleasant to be around, and you’ll present a better role model for others.

How’s Your Self Talk?

When you love yourself, you are also able to silence your inner critic.  We all have one, and often we are harder on ourselves than we would ever be on someone else.

Loving yourself means you can stop that vicious cycle of self-blame and recrimination. It prevents you from ruminating on past mistakes and builds your resilience and confidence so you can pick yourself up and get back on track. 

When you are kind and encouraging to yourself, your anxiety levels drop, your mood lifts, and you become more optimistic and hopeful about the future.

Life is always a mixture of good times and bad. Often the bad things that happen are out of your control. All you can do is decide how you’re going to respond. Will you be overwhelmed or angry? Or will you roll with the punches, learn from your experiences, and get back on the horse?  In times of fear or illness or natural disasters or any other of life’s stressors, practicing some self-compassion will allow you to take guilt or blame out of the equation and deal with whatever you’re faced with.

Take a moment to listen to your thoughts. What is your self-talk saying to you? Are you reassuring yourself that things will work out okay, or are you beating yourself up for something you did or didn’t do? Would you talk to your best friend like that? How would they feel?  Be as gentle in your self-talk as you would to a loved one who is in crisis. Be loving and kind, and reassuring. Extend the hand of hope to your own heart, and help yourself on the first steps back towards better times.

When you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk, try asking yourself some questions:

  • Is this helpful?
  • Is this inner criticism a fact? Am I a mistake or did I simply make a mistake?
  • Where can I learn and grow from this?
  • How can I use this to rebound quickly and make a better decision?

Remember, negative self-talk is learned behavior.  Start renewing your mind with God’s Word, and replace those wrong statements with the truth.  The way you think really does have an impact on your quality of life. 

In fact, a research study found that individuals who practiced positive thinking after receiving a serious diagnosis of an illness were able to process the information and develop positive coping strategies.  If positive self-talk can assist with life-altering illnesses, surely it can help you to learn to love yourself.

Benefits Of Loving Yourself

I’ve already mentioned some of these, but here are some more benefits to consider:

1. You’ll make better decisions.

Instead of making bad choices because you’re being led by shame, guilt or fear, you will be empowered to make choices that truly make sense for who you are – meaning you will be living your authentic life. You will no longer be caught up with people pleasing; instead you will live a life that brings you satisfaction.

2.   You won’t need to be a people-pleaser.

When you truly love yourself, you stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about you – which means you’re a less defensive person and more confident about living a life that is authentic for you. Why would you need acceptance from everyone else when you truly accept yourself?

 3.  Your confidence will increase.

Once you realize your own needs are just as valid as the needs of others, you’ll start to feel more confident, which means you’ll be more assertive. Of course, this results in a more purposeful attitude.  You’ll be strong enough to set clear boundaries with people and stick to them.

 4.  You’ll choose your company wisely.

Loving yourself  starts from within. However, surrounding yourself with the right people will also help you.  Mom was right when she said, “Be careful who your friends are.”

The danger in attempting to improve your self-esteem while surrounding yourself with negative people is that their mentality will eventually rub off on you. You’ll begin to live in that space of negative thinking without even realizing the repercussions.

People who inspire you, motivate you and challenge you are friends that will respect and support you. These are the people you want to be around; theirs is the influence you need. 

You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.  Why not make the experience a great one?  Your strengths and talents are unique.  You have something the world needs, or you wouldn’t be here in the first place.

See Yourself As God Sees You

One of my favorite verses is Ephesians 2:10.  Listen to how God the Father sees us:

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Does God do shoddy work?  Obviously not.  The Bible says you are His workmanship!  The NIV translates this as “God’s handiwork, and the NLT translates it as “God’s masterpiece“!  

Wow!  Don’t you think you should love God’s masterpiece?

Not only are we created by God, we are made with a mission.  Your life has purpose!  God has already created good works– good works!– that only you can do. 

You are special and unique!  You have something to offer this world!  So start loving yourself, and find out what that is!


I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!  Leave a comment below, share and subscribe!


Related Posts:

“Created With Potential”

“Tearing Down, Building Up”

“It’s Time To Transform Your Self Esteem”’s-time-to-transform-your-self-esteem




2 thoughts on “Are You Loving Yourself?”

  1. Great message, Tim, and so needed! I remember a few years ago we had a guest speaker come and he asked us to write down on a piece of paper the names of our 10 best friends, whoever came to our mind first. When we’d all done that, he asked if any of us had put our own name down. None of us had! Since that day I’ve been more aware of loving myself. Like you said, I have to live with me! I live with me more than anyone else does so I need to be my own best friend!


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