Spiritual Abuse in the Church Today

What Is Spiritual Abuse?

It’s called by different names:  spiritual abuse, church hurt, religious trauma.  But regardless of its label, its consequences can be catastrophic.  Switching churches provides a change of scenery but often does little to bring healing, so victims sit and suffer in silence.  For others, the experience is so painful that it pushes them out of church altogether, which also robs them of healing.

In a recent online event called the Spiritual Abuse Summit, host Jill Monaco explained that spiritual abuse is different from other types of abuse.  “Spiritual abuse targets the soul and spirit, and impacts our meaning and purpose in the world and how we interact with God,” she said.  

But what exactly is spiritual abuse?  One definition is “using scripture or a position of religious influence to control, manipulate, or cause harm to someone.”  The Allender Center, a counseling and mental health organization in Seattle, WA, says, “Spiritual abuse involves the misuse of power, especially religious or spiritual power, to control, manipulate, or violate.”

Some signs of spiritual abuse include:

• narcissistic leadership
• rigid and restrictive religious systems
• the use of fear and shame to exercise control
• manipulation of scripture to control actions or shape beliefs
• demanding loyalty and unquestioning obedience
• eliminating freedom to voice concerns
• isolation from outside influences and voices
• creating inner circles of special favor
• labeling disagreement as rebellion or lack of faith

The Pain Is Real

Spiritual abuse affects the whole person.  It can range from subtle to extreme, and can cause lasting trauma.  Victims often don’t recognize the signs and don’t realize what it’s doing to them, and usually they slip into survival mode.  They commonly find it difficult to leave the situation because the church is their total support system, and they feel if they leave they will “lose everything.”  Sometimes they are taught to believe that leaving will involve separation from God, a risk they are not willing to take. 

The rise in church scandals over the past several decades indicates that the problem is widespread.  It’s important to address the issue because unprocessed trauma makes things worse over time, and incalculable harm is being done to the image of the Church at large.  Many Americans now distrust religious institutions, something that would have been unheard of prior to the Sixties.  This makes it more difficult to evangelize a lost society, and undermines the effectiveness of sincere ministries.

Small and large churches alike can be susceptible to spiritual abuse.  But megachurches in particular can be exceptionally vulnerable because of their top-down structure.  They are often headed by a single pastor whose position brings power, prestige, financial reward and control.  Church boards are often top-heavy with allies, yes-men and even relatives, so there is no true accountability.  Everything revolves around what the pastor wants.  Loyalty and obedience is expected and demanded.  Disagreement brings demotion or dismissal.  

To make matters worse, most churches are ill-equipped to deal with fallout from a scandal.  Too often the immediate reaction is damage control.  The victim is marginalized, accused of gossip and slander, or not believed at all, only adding to their trauma.  The focus, in fact, is seldom on the victim.  Usually there is a concerted effort to get the offending leader into counseling, with or without an acknowledgment of guilt or evidence of repentance.  Sadly the goal is restoring him to ministry, rather than restoring him to a right relationship with God.  Controlling the image of the institution becomes paramount, rather than healing for those victimized.

What’s The Answer?

My personal belief is that spiritual abuse occurs in a relatively small percentage of American churches.  Most churches are led by pastors who sincerely love their congregations and strive to serve as Jesus would.  I can’t back this up with statistics (can you imagine the survey questions?)  But I do have faith in the Church as a whole.  Jesus established His Church on earth, and I believe every Christian should be grounded and serving in a local church.   That is our Savior’s plan for every believer.

Still, there are too many Christians struggling with church hurt.  I’m not talking about “my feelings got hurt and I’m offended.”  Spiritual abuse goes far beyond that.  It’s important to deal with this issue because it impacts the health of the church.

Stephen Powell, a pastor and founder of Lion of Light Ministries, knows about spiritual abuse.  He was sexually assaulted by a married female church staff member when he was just 16.  “Change and reform needs to come to the church,” he says.  “There needs to be a system of accountability and correction for those in leadership positions.  Unhealthy patterns have to be exposed and broken…It may take leaders from outside the church who can take an objective, unbiased look at the situation and suggest paths of action.”  Powell adds, “Church should be the safest place on earth.”

First Peter 4:17a states, “For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household.”  Some people believe the rash of scandals hitting the Church in recent years are a result of God cleaning house, exposing abusers and those who have created toxic church environments.  I’m inclined to agree with them.  The church must be a place where wounds are healed, not inflicted.  It must be a place where people can confess without fear of confidentiality being broken.  It must be a place where leaders do not lord it over laymen, where everyone is treated with mutual love and respect.

I praise God that I am in a church where I feel safe.  That has not always been the case.  My walk with Christ started in a ministry which was wonderful initially, but gradually it became a very toxic environment.  In future posts I will be sharing my own story of spiritual abuse, and my path to healing and wholeness.  I pray that this series of articles will bring that same healing and wholeness to others who may have been traumatized by church hurt.  It is possible to recover and live a transformed life.  If you’re hurting, hold on to that hope.   I found peace and you can, too.

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